By Katheline Rodriguez
Have you ever been in love ? Have you ever been heartbroken? As humans we experience these things, the mix of emotions overwhelming you. The feeling of being on cloud 9 and then all of a sudden being shattered and lost within seconds, millions of people have experienced both, including me.
I am currently in a loving and healthy relationship, although it took a lot of ups and downs to get where I am. I have been in toxic relationships without realizing I was getting manipulated and being emotionally abused. This was during my freshman and sophomore when I was the most unhappy.
In my past relationships I learned that someone who truly loves you doesn't cause you to cry yourself to sleep and make it seem like everything is your fault when it’s not. In a toxic relationship, the other person may have controlling habits (trying to control who you talk to and who you're friends with), and you may feel like you’re the only one trying in the relationship. Half the time people don’t realize that they are even in a toxic relationship.
According to the article “10 You're in a Toxic Relationship” written by Macaela Mackenzie from Womenshealthmag.com, a sign of a toxic relationship includes stonewalling: "Having a fight doesn’t mean your relationship is toxic—but if your S.O. [significant other] is always shutting down when you try to bring up what’s bothering you, that’s what therapists call stonewalling."
Macaela also references Rebecca Hendrix, a psychotherapist in New York, who says that “A healthy relationship is a partnership, with both of you co-creating your fulfillment. If you feel like you’re suddenly doing all the heavy lifting—especially if your partner doesn’t seem to notice—the balance has become toxic. Make sure you’re not the only one contributing to the day-to-day activities or long-term vision of the relationship."
This is something I can agree on because I’ve been through it, feeling like I'm the only one doing all the work In the relationship when it should be 50/50.
But have you ever wondered if love is a choice or a feeling? Personally, I think it’s a feeling since if you’re truly in love with that person you stick by them through everything and you commit to them. You aren’t able to choose who you love, but you are able to choose someone you want to commit to when you love that person.
Kassandra Palominos, a student at Yerba Buena High School and one my closest friends, had something to say about the question: “I think love is feeling and also a choice since you choose if you want to be in that relationship, and you choose to oversee the bad and choose to focus on the good. If you truly love someone, you stay by their side through everything, and you never lose those feeling you have for that one person."
According to an article called “Love is a Choice More than a Feeling” written by Kurt Smith, “Most of us tend to focus on falling in love and use the feeling of love to determine the duration of a relationship. Falling in love is easy to do, almost effortless, but losing that loving feeling is not that hard to do, either."
Kurt Smith also mentions that “It is a choice to see the good in our partner every day, rather than focusing on the negative things that bother us. We have to accept them and love them as they are. If we go into a relationship thinking we can change someone, we are setting our relationship and ourselves up to fail. We all have flaws and quirks and are weird in some ways. Accepting those differences is part of love.”
For those of you that are currently in a relationship that isn’t that healthy or are looking for that one person, here's a tip that might fix or save that relationship. One of the first things you need to do is to determine if your relationship is going through a rough patch or if it’s a toxic relationship. Maintaining a the relationship healthy takes a lot of conscious commitment, awareness, care, communication skills, time and effort.
Have you ever been in love ? Have you ever been heartbroken? As humans we experience these things, the mix of emotions overwhelming you. The feeling of being on cloud 9 and then all of a sudden being shattered and lost within seconds, millions of people have experienced both, including me.
I am currently in a loving and healthy relationship, although it took a lot of ups and downs to get where I am. I have been in toxic relationships without realizing I was getting manipulated and being emotionally abused. This was during my freshman and sophomore when I was the most unhappy.
In my past relationships I learned that someone who truly loves you doesn't cause you to cry yourself to sleep and make it seem like everything is your fault when it’s not. In a toxic relationship, the other person may have controlling habits (trying to control who you talk to and who you're friends with), and you may feel like you’re the only one trying in the relationship. Half the time people don’t realize that they are even in a toxic relationship.
According to the article “10 You're in a Toxic Relationship” written by Macaela Mackenzie from Womenshealthmag.com, a sign of a toxic relationship includes stonewalling: "Having a fight doesn’t mean your relationship is toxic—but if your S.O. [significant other] is always shutting down when you try to bring up what’s bothering you, that’s what therapists call stonewalling."
Macaela also references Rebecca Hendrix, a psychotherapist in New York, who says that “A healthy relationship is a partnership, with both of you co-creating your fulfillment. If you feel like you’re suddenly doing all the heavy lifting—especially if your partner doesn’t seem to notice—the balance has become toxic. Make sure you’re not the only one contributing to the day-to-day activities or long-term vision of the relationship."
This is something I can agree on because I’ve been through it, feeling like I'm the only one doing all the work In the relationship when it should be 50/50.
But have you ever wondered if love is a choice or a feeling? Personally, I think it’s a feeling since if you’re truly in love with that person you stick by them through everything and you commit to them. You aren’t able to choose who you love, but you are able to choose someone you want to commit to when you love that person.
Kassandra Palominos, a student at Yerba Buena High School and one my closest friends, had something to say about the question: “I think love is feeling and also a choice since you choose if you want to be in that relationship, and you choose to oversee the bad and choose to focus on the good. If you truly love someone, you stay by their side through everything, and you never lose those feeling you have for that one person."
According to an article called “Love is a Choice More than a Feeling” written by Kurt Smith, “Most of us tend to focus on falling in love and use the feeling of love to determine the duration of a relationship. Falling in love is easy to do, almost effortless, but losing that loving feeling is not that hard to do, either."
Kurt Smith also mentions that “It is a choice to see the good in our partner every day, rather than focusing on the negative things that bother us. We have to accept them and love them as they are. If we go into a relationship thinking we can change someone, we are setting our relationship and ourselves up to fail. We all have flaws and quirks and are weird in some ways. Accepting those differences is part of love.”
For those of you that are currently in a relationship that isn’t that healthy or are looking for that one person, here's a tip that might fix or save that relationship. One of the first things you need to do is to determine if your relationship is going through a rough patch or if it’s a toxic relationship. Maintaining a the relationship healthy takes a lot of conscious commitment, awareness, care, communication skills, time and effort.