By Johnny Vu
Speaking up isn’t the easiest thing to do. Nor is it the safest. Being unable to express your emotions eats away at your soul. Especially if you’ve held it in for years.
I’ve never had this timid personality as a child. I remember being energetic and open with other students when I was little because I loved playing and talking with other kids.
That changed in second grade. I remember sitting in front of the classroom and being very disruptive. I was talking to my friend while the teacher was talking and got reprimanded. I was then told to sit at an isolated table in the back of the classroom.
Since then I became closed off. I don’t know why. I think back and wonder why that situation affected me. Maybe I didn’t like getting yelled at and took it personally. I now think back and laugh at that situation.
Growing up I’ve always had a sad look on my face. People often came and told me, “Why do you look so depressed?” Most of the time I wasn’t, it was just my resting face. It used to bother me a lot.
“Why do they care how I look?” I often thought. They were probably just worried. But it didn’t come across that way.
The more people told me I looked sad the more I started to believe it. “Why do I look so sad all the time, when I’m not?” I wondered to myself. Unbeknownst to me, I was sad, but at the time I was too young to realize it.
To get rid of that perspective I would often cover my mouth with my sleeve or hand all the time. All-day, when I was in class, eating, laughing, or even walking.
I always suspected that I had depression, but didn’t pursue it. I assumed the sadness that I felt was normal. As I grew older my mental health continued to deteriorate until my sophomore year.
I remember coming up to mom crying asking for help. I guess I hid my emotions well as they never expected my mental state was this bad. They got me a therapist and since then I feel more intuned with myself.
Sometimes I think back and wish that energetic personality retained when I grew up. But there is no use dwelling on that. I’m happy where I am right now.
Speaking up isn’t the easiest thing to do. Nor is it the safest. Being unable to express your emotions eats away at your soul. Especially if you’ve held it in for years.
I’ve never had this timid personality as a child. I remember being energetic and open with other students when I was little because I loved playing and talking with other kids.
That changed in second grade. I remember sitting in front of the classroom and being very disruptive. I was talking to my friend while the teacher was talking and got reprimanded. I was then told to sit at an isolated table in the back of the classroom.
Since then I became closed off. I don’t know why. I think back and wonder why that situation affected me. Maybe I didn’t like getting yelled at and took it personally. I now think back and laugh at that situation.
Growing up I’ve always had a sad look on my face. People often came and told me, “Why do you look so depressed?” Most of the time I wasn’t, it was just my resting face. It used to bother me a lot.
“Why do they care how I look?” I often thought. They were probably just worried. But it didn’t come across that way.
The more people told me I looked sad the more I started to believe it. “Why do I look so sad all the time, when I’m not?” I wondered to myself. Unbeknownst to me, I was sad, but at the time I was too young to realize it.
To get rid of that perspective I would often cover my mouth with my sleeve or hand all the time. All-day, when I was in class, eating, laughing, or even walking.
I always suspected that I had depression, but didn’t pursue it. I assumed the sadness that I felt was normal. As I grew older my mental health continued to deteriorate until my sophomore year.
I remember coming up to mom crying asking for help. I guess I hid my emotions well as they never expected my mental state was this bad. They got me a therapist and since then I feel more intuned with myself.
Sometimes I think back and wish that energetic personality retained when I grew up. But there is no use dwelling on that. I’m happy where I am right now.