By: Jade Padilla
In the United States, there are on average nearly 20 people per minute getting abused by their partners. In one year that equals more than 10 million people.
My cousin, who we’ll call “Kehalani Moreno” to protect her identity, still remembers the day that she witnessed her mom getting domestically abused.
Since she was a fetus, her dad would choke, hit and slap her mom. Her dad would never hurt her or her siblings physically.
She doesn’t recall the exact time period when she witnessed her mom being domestically abused, but it was in her elementary years that she first witnessed it. Therefore, she assumes this went on from 2001-2013.
“There was this one time that my mom was pregnant with me and she was making food for my dad and his friends. They were outside and they were drinking. When the food was ready she came outside and said that the food was ready. One of my dad’s friends said that my mom was really pretty and since my dad was drinking, he got jealous and he pulled my mom’s hair and slapped her.” Kehalani said.
Another time this situation has happened was when he was drinking. This was one of the times that her mom tried to leave her dad.
“Another time they were fighting and my mom called the police, and everyone told my mom to not send him to jail and when the police came, everyone acted like one of my cousins accidentally called the police, so the police left. She decided to leave my dad so she got a ticket to the bus and she was on the bus when my dad arrived there. He told her to come back and that he was going to do better and that he needed her. There was this lady that said that she should take him back and that he really means it, so my mom is very young, she was naive and she took him back.” Kehalani said.
After these situations, she then expressed how she felt about her mom.
“I remember being very traumatized as a child, I started going to therapy in 4th grade, I hated my mom because she put me through that and because she never left.”
She recalls all the different situations every day. It was hard for her to watch her mom getting domestically abused because she remembers her mom being choked and recalls her siblings crying. She witnessed the situations happening about 5 times and every time she would be nervous about it. Her mom was always stressed and worried because her daughter was always sad.
These situations made it hard for her to trust people and gave her anxiety. It took her a long time to speak up about the situation. “When I was 10 and my dad hit my mom, I talked to my mom a few hours after it happened.”
She has been going to therapy since she was in 4th grade. At first, it was not easy for her to ask for help because since she was a “kid” and she thought that people would not take her seriously. Since they were a low-income family, they got into a program that gave her therapy for a low price. The hardest part of going to therapy for her was talking to a stranger.
According to Christina Morris, a psychologist at Los Altos, she mentions that 50% of her clients were either victims or witnesses. “Domestic violence affects a victim and witness’s mental health by having anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).”
PTSD is when “people experience trauma when they feel in danger or threatened,” according to Christina.
That comment supports the idea that witnesses, like Kehalani, also have anxiety, depression, and PTSD as well as the survivors of domestic violence.
These effects of mental health on survivors and witnesses make it hard for them to be focused on a job or at school which was that case with Kehalani in her elementary years.
Kehalani has been going to therapy since she was in 4th grade and still continues.
Over the years, it has gotten easier for her to talk about the situation. However, something that triggers her is alcohol because that was the main reason why her dad domestically abused her mom.
In the end, although Kehalani is still getting the help she needs, she will never be able to fully forgive her dad because of what he caused her to feel when she would witness the situation.
Domestic violence majorly impacts a person's health, mental state and mind. Being under the influence is never a reason to violently abuse anyone, whether mentally, physically, or verbally.
In the United States, there are on average nearly 20 people per minute getting abused by their partners. In one year that equals more than 10 million people.
My cousin, who we’ll call “Kehalani Moreno” to protect her identity, still remembers the day that she witnessed her mom getting domestically abused.
Since she was a fetus, her dad would choke, hit and slap her mom. Her dad would never hurt her or her siblings physically.
She doesn’t recall the exact time period when she witnessed her mom being domestically abused, but it was in her elementary years that she first witnessed it. Therefore, she assumes this went on from 2001-2013.
“There was this one time that my mom was pregnant with me and she was making food for my dad and his friends. They were outside and they were drinking. When the food was ready she came outside and said that the food was ready. One of my dad’s friends said that my mom was really pretty and since my dad was drinking, he got jealous and he pulled my mom’s hair and slapped her.” Kehalani said.
Another time this situation has happened was when he was drinking. This was one of the times that her mom tried to leave her dad.
“Another time they were fighting and my mom called the police, and everyone told my mom to not send him to jail and when the police came, everyone acted like one of my cousins accidentally called the police, so the police left. She decided to leave my dad so she got a ticket to the bus and she was on the bus when my dad arrived there. He told her to come back and that he was going to do better and that he needed her. There was this lady that said that she should take him back and that he really means it, so my mom is very young, she was naive and she took him back.” Kehalani said.
After these situations, she then expressed how she felt about her mom.
“I remember being very traumatized as a child, I started going to therapy in 4th grade, I hated my mom because she put me through that and because she never left.”
She recalls all the different situations every day. It was hard for her to watch her mom getting domestically abused because she remembers her mom being choked and recalls her siblings crying. She witnessed the situations happening about 5 times and every time she would be nervous about it. Her mom was always stressed and worried because her daughter was always sad.
These situations made it hard for her to trust people and gave her anxiety. It took her a long time to speak up about the situation. “When I was 10 and my dad hit my mom, I talked to my mom a few hours after it happened.”
She has been going to therapy since she was in 4th grade. At first, it was not easy for her to ask for help because since she was a “kid” and she thought that people would not take her seriously. Since they were a low-income family, they got into a program that gave her therapy for a low price. The hardest part of going to therapy for her was talking to a stranger.
According to Christina Morris, a psychologist at Los Altos, she mentions that 50% of her clients were either victims or witnesses. “Domestic violence affects a victim and witness’s mental health by having anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).”
PTSD is when “people experience trauma when they feel in danger or threatened,” according to Christina.
That comment supports the idea that witnesses, like Kehalani, also have anxiety, depression, and PTSD as well as the survivors of domestic violence.
These effects of mental health on survivors and witnesses make it hard for them to be focused on a job or at school which was that case with Kehalani in her elementary years.
Kehalani has been going to therapy since she was in 4th grade and still continues.
Over the years, it has gotten easier for her to talk about the situation. However, something that triggers her is alcohol because that was the main reason why her dad domestically abused her mom.
In the end, although Kehalani is still getting the help she needs, she will never be able to fully forgive her dad because of what he caused her to feel when she would witness the situation.
Domestic violence majorly impacts a person's health, mental state and mind. Being under the influence is never a reason to violently abuse anyone, whether mentally, physically, or verbally.