By Jacqueline Sumano
“Take a hit. It will make your problems go away.” One hit, two hits, three hits. Smoke everywhere.
It was during April 2018, where all my happiness just drowned into the sea of sadness. I was going through a massive waterfall that was flooded with problems that made me feel like if I was drowning. Situations that made me go into a deep depression.
I lost someone who I loved, I lost many friends, I was losing my father’s love, I was getting stressed due to school, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of everything, and I didn’t know what to do.
It was finals week, I was chilling with my friends and all of a sudden, I just tell them “Yoo, I want to get high." My friends were pretty shocked. We all then decided to do it just for fun, and we were planning where we were going to get it. One of my friend’s boyfriend then told me that he was going to be the hook up.
The next day he came up to me and gave me a chocolate cupcake edible. I ate the edible because I was stressed and I was hoping that it would make me feel better. At that moment I didn’t know how to feel. I was actually really scared because I didn’t know what it would do to me. I didn’t know how my body and mind would react to it.
My friends and I then gathered in a small hill at school, and we all decided to share a piece out of the cupcake. My friends were pretty nervous so they decided to take only a small piece. The half of the cupcake was left. It was my turn to take a bite, before I took a bite I looked at my friends and told them “ F**k I can’t do this guys, I’m scared”. They all looked at me and told me that I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to. I then thought of it and replied with a “F**k it."
All of a sudden I told them, “Bet I won’t shove it all in my mouth,” and they all started screaming out “BET." So I did. I shoved the leftovers of the cupcake inside my mouth and started eating it. While I was chewing I thought to myself, “Holy f**k I actually did it!” One of my friends who already had experienced with edibles told us to not freak out. So we all stayed calm.
My friend and I were heading to class, and all of a sudden I started feeling weird. I couldn’t focus in class; my friend and I were just laughing. I started saying weird things to the class such as that I loved them and all. My eyes felt heavy, and then I started to freak out. The class was over and I just calmed myself. One of my friends had a dog toy, and it would make noises when it was pressed. Every time my friend would squeeze it, I would laugh so much. I just thought it was hilarious. An hour after, I started to get a bad headache.
When I got home I was “normal” again. The night came and I was just looking at the ceiling and then I just started to burst out in tears. I was thinking of all the bad things I was going through. Such as dealing with my dad constantly telling me that I was worthless. How I didn’t have anyone by my side to make me feel better. I then thought how I actually enjoyed being high.
The day after, I told my cousin Esme that I wanted to hit a blunt. I basically wanted to take it to the next step. My cousin and I knew that there was a guy in our apartments who sold weed. So I hit him up and asked him if he had any. He then sold me two grams of weed. Esme and I decided to smoke it at the park that are near our apartments. I decided to smoke because I didn’t think of any other ways to help me with my depression. I thought to myself that smoking was the one and only way to get out of it.
My friends decided to come along. Esme had already made some apple bongs to use. We then all went to the park and then started to take hits. We were passing it around, and it was my turn to take a hit. Esme lit up the other side of the apple to burn up the weed. I felt the way the smoke went inside my throat. The smell of the burnt weed didn’t really bother me. I took three hits.
A few minutes later my mom texted me asking me where I was, and I replied that I was at the park. She then asked me, “What park?" And I wasn’t focused on what she asked, so I replied with “I’m at the park that is near the park.” She then asked me “What?" So I re-read the text message and I started freaking out. My friends calmed me down and told me to tell my mom it was a mistake.
Smoking made me feel good and made me forget all my problems. I was in another world, a world with no problems at all. I felt like it got me more connected to my emotions, and it helped me express myself.
According to goodtherapy.org marijuana can be used for stress management or to cope with anger, loneliness, anxiety, or depression. I was using marijuana to cope with my depression.
During summer, my cousin and I smoked more than before; we were both going through situations that we knew we couldn’t handle. My cousin was going through a situation where her mother would cry herself to sleep because her son would reject her. She thought she couldn’t do anything about it.
I interviewed my cousin and asked her if she was ever scared for me for smoking. “I actually was pretty scared for you that you were going to get caught knowing how your parents are. I was really scared for that and for your health too," she said.
I asked her if she thought of any other solutions we could’ve done instead of smoking.
“Honestly, I thought that was the only solution because we both knew that we can’t have a serious talk with our parents because they wouldn’t listen to us, so I felt like that was our only help."
My cousin and I got to the point where we made edibles. At that point I knew we went too far. I thought to myself “Is this what I want? Is this where I want to be?” I started to realize that we were just hurting ourselves more than we already were. How we were letting all these chemicals into our body. How at one point it would’ve damaged our lungs.
I had to stop, I knew there was another way to stop my depression. I stopped smoking. I started to work out which made all my stress release from my body. I avoided allowing my deep thoughts to get to me.
This time I was tired of being depressed, so I stopped all negativity in my life. I didn’t want any problems anymore. Yeah, my experience with drugs was fun and all, until it got to the point where I was just destroying myself, which wasn’t fun anymore.
Know that there are other ways to deal with depression, such as working out. It releases the stress inside your body. Listen to music. Go outside and just relax and breathe. Drugs are not the answer to your problems.
“Take a hit. It will make your problems go away.” One hit, two hits, three hits. Smoke everywhere.
It was during April 2018, where all my happiness just drowned into the sea of sadness. I was going through a massive waterfall that was flooded with problems that made me feel like if I was drowning. Situations that made me go into a deep depression.
I lost someone who I loved, I lost many friends, I was losing my father’s love, I was getting stressed due to school, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of everything, and I didn’t know what to do.
It was finals week, I was chilling with my friends and all of a sudden, I just tell them “Yoo, I want to get high." My friends were pretty shocked. We all then decided to do it just for fun, and we were planning where we were going to get it. One of my friend’s boyfriend then told me that he was going to be the hook up.
The next day he came up to me and gave me a chocolate cupcake edible. I ate the edible because I was stressed and I was hoping that it would make me feel better. At that moment I didn’t know how to feel. I was actually really scared because I didn’t know what it would do to me. I didn’t know how my body and mind would react to it.
My friends and I then gathered in a small hill at school, and we all decided to share a piece out of the cupcake. My friends were pretty nervous so they decided to take only a small piece. The half of the cupcake was left. It was my turn to take a bite, before I took a bite I looked at my friends and told them “ F**k I can’t do this guys, I’m scared”. They all looked at me and told me that I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to. I then thought of it and replied with a “F**k it."
All of a sudden I told them, “Bet I won’t shove it all in my mouth,” and they all started screaming out “BET." So I did. I shoved the leftovers of the cupcake inside my mouth and started eating it. While I was chewing I thought to myself, “Holy f**k I actually did it!” One of my friends who already had experienced with edibles told us to not freak out. So we all stayed calm.
My friend and I were heading to class, and all of a sudden I started feeling weird. I couldn’t focus in class; my friend and I were just laughing. I started saying weird things to the class such as that I loved them and all. My eyes felt heavy, and then I started to freak out. The class was over and I just calmed myself. One of my friends had a dog toy, and it would make noises when it was pressed. Every time my friend would squeeze it, I would laugh so much. I just thought it was hilarious. An hour after, I started to get a bad headache.
When I got home I was “normal” again. The night came and I was just looking at the ceiling and then I just started to burst out in tears. I was thinking of all the bad things I was going through. Such as dealing with my dad constantly telling me that I was worthless. How I didn’t have anyone by my side to make me feel better. I then thought how I actually enjoyed being high.
The day after, I told my cousin Esme that I wanted to hit a blunt. I basically wanted to take it to the next step. My cousin and I knew that there was a guy in our apartments who sold weed. So I hit him up and asked him if he had any. He then sold me two grams of weed. Esme and I decided to smoke it at the park that are near our apartments. I decided to smoke because I didn’t think of any other ways to help me with my depression. I thought to myself that smoking was the one and only way to get out of it.
My friends decided to come along. Esme had already made some apple bongs to use. We then all went to the park and then started to take hits. We were passing it around, and it was my turn to take a hit. Esme lit up the other side of the apple to burn up the weed. I felt the way the smoke went inside my throat. The smell of the burnt weed didn’t really bother me. I took three hits.
A few minutes later my mom texted me asking me where I was, and I replied that I was at the park. She then asked me, “What park?" And I wasn’t focused on what she asked, so I replied with “I’m at the park that is near the park.” She then asked me “What?" So I re-read the text message and I started freaking out. My friends calmed me down and told me to tell my mom it was a mistake.
Smoking made me feel good and made me forget all my problems. I was in another world, a world with no problems at all. I felt like it got me more connected to my emotions, and it helped me express myself.
According to goodtherapy.org marijuana can be used for stress management or to cope with anger, loneliness, anxiety, or depression. I was using marijuana to cope with my depression.
During summer, my cousin and I smoked more than before; we were both going through situations that we knew we couldn’t handle. My cousin was going through a situation where her mother would cry herself to sleep because her son would reject her. She thought she couldn’t do anything about it.
I interviewed my cousin and asked her if she was ever scared for me for smoking. “I actually was pretty scared for you that you were going to get caught knowing how your parents are. I was really scared for that and for your health too," she said.
I asked her if she thought of any other solutions we could’ve done instead of smoking.
“Honestly, I thought that was the only solution because we both knew that we can’t have a serious talk with our parents because they wouldn’t listen to us, so I felt like that was our only help."
My cousin and I got to the point where we made edibles. At that point I knew we went too far. I thought to myself “Is this what I want? Is this where I want to be?” I started to realize that we were just hurting ourselves more than we already were. How we were letting all these chemicals into our body. How at one point it would’ve damaged our lungs.
I had to stop, I knew there was another way to stop my depression. I stopped smoking. I started to work out which made all my stress release from my body. I avoided allowing my deep thoughts to get to me.
This time I was tired of being depressed, so I stopped all negativity in my life. I didn’t want any problems anymore. Yeah, my experience with drugs was fun and all, until it got to the point where I was just destroying myself, which wasn’t fun anymore.
Know that there are other ways to deal with depression, such as working out. It releases the stress inside your body. Listen to music. Go outside and just relax and breathe. Drugs are not the answer to your problems.