By: Itzel Hernandez Ruiz
It was just another one of those days, mother and daughter hand in hand heading to the park. Who knew our visit to the park would be longer than expected.
It was a sunny day, perfect for a day at the park with my mom, as joyful as any kid would be I was excited to play in the playground. My favorite part of the playground had always been the swing so it was no surprise when I dragged my mom to the swing set on the other side of the playground.
Having the feeling you could fly and just feeling that air hit your face always filled me up with joy. My joyish thoughts were soon interrupted by laughter coming from the swing set next to me revealing a girl the same age as me being pushed up into the air. Hearing this made me happy knowing I wasn’t the only one that enjoyed the feeling, soon after she approached me and asked if I wanted to play, to which I agreed.
Hours flew by and it was growing dark, I knew my time at the park almost came to an end but I didn’t want it to end. My mom and the girl’s father approached us, my mom told me it was time to go home but I refused, overhearing this the girl’s dad suggested we should go to Mcdonald’s so our goodbyes could be stalled for a bit.
My mom, annoyed, refused the invitation but I on the other hand agreed. My mom explained to me it was growing dark and we still hand to go back home walking but being the naive child I was, I said the “nice” man could take us back home. The man seemed happy to hear this and tried convincing my mom to agree, until finally she gave in.
Although he paid for the happy meal that day it is clear my family paid more.
Time passed by and it didn’t take long for both my mom and the man to get together. At first things were great, he seemed like a good person and had proven himself to my mom. Long after we moved in to his house and things from that point on went downhill.
Things began to change, not in a good way either, between my mother and him. He was no longer Mr. Nice Guy but rather someone we barely recognized.
“At first things were like honey, things were sweet and lovely, but it soon turned bitter and his true colors began to seep through. He was rude, male chauvinist, he would scream at me, humiliate me and at one point hits were involved as well. It is safe to say I was involved in a toxic relationship.”
My mom became pregnant with his baby, who now is my younger brother Alexander, who she later revealed the news.
But instead of receiving the news with open arms, upon hearing this he became upset and disowned his own child. He told her he would not take responsibility for the baby she was carrying. My mom later found out he had been cheating on her with someone else and before we knew it our visit to the park came to an abrupt stop.
“Never had the idea of experiencing something like this crossed my mind. I never believed I would be someone that was placed in this situation, I thought our relationship was stable and it was starting to move forward. But I was wrong, everything changed taking me by surprise.”
We found ourselves struggling finding a place to stay and financially. We started living once more with my mothers brothers and sisters, living under the same roof of a one room apartment. My mom could no longer find the strength to keep working since the pregnancy was taking a toll on her.
Women who are left by their children’s father abruptly are usually faced with the same problem. Felipe’s, an interviewee, mother faced the same issue when his father left; “Things changed a lot in a negative way...my family was struggling and my mom couldn’t afford to pay everything on her own”
We became dependent on the insufficient child support money that was given to her from my brother. My mom could not afford much with this money, at times she could not even pay the rent because she had set aside some for my own needs as well.
According to Dawn Lee, as stated in Single Mother Statistics from singlemotherguide.com, “Only one third of single mothers receive any child support, and the average mother received was only about $430 a month.”
My mother described these times to be rather difficult to overcome.
“I felt like I was stuck inside a hole and I could not get out of it. I felt frustrated and helpless. I no longer had a job meaning, I no longer had money for anything. It was a really hard time, I didn’t feel like I could provide for you guys. This feeling just felt like I was being held captive with both my hands and feet tied behind my back, preventing me from doing anything.”
According to, Dawn Lee, as stated in Single Mother Statistics from singlemotherguide.com, “However, only half were employed full-time all year long, almost a third (27.5%) were jobless the entire year. Among those who were laid off or looking for work, less than a quarter (22.4%) received unemployment benefits.”
Once my brother, Alexander, was born things just got worse because my mom needed to provide for not only me but for my brother as well. This was hard for her since she wasn’t working at the time until two years later.
National Kids Count Data, a statistics page shows the percentage of child population by household including mother only households, states in the year 2017 the population of mother only households was around 2,007,000 and with a percentage of 22% in California.
Now my brother is seven years old living and growing up without a father figure by his side and wonders where his father is. Im am sixteen years old and also don’t have my biological father by my side but I am old enough to understand why that is but I can’t say the same for my brother.
Growing up my brother would always ask for his father and whoever appeared before him showing him any drop affection was automatically his “daddy.” But these people never stayed around nor did they like being called his dad which really upset my brother.
My brother is a shy and a self kept person that is always too scared to speak up for himself which explains why he is always getting walked over. Now a days if you ask him about his father he claims that he is “dead” or in Mexico because he does not know the true reasoning for his absence.
In our current household we live with my mom and her former boyfriend yet my brother does not consider him a father. He seeks his approval at times and longs for the attention and affection he gives to my sister, his daughter but never seems to receive it.
This causing him to get upset saying no one loves him and that he will never have a dad. Even at times at night my brother asks me why we both don’t have our father by our side like my sister but I try explaining things to him but I know he would understand till later on.
According to Edward Kruk, as stated in “Father Absence, Father Deficit, Father Hunger” from Psychologytoday.com, “Children’s diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and emotional security (children consistently report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing)”
My mom worries about him and how this will affect him later in his future nor does she know how he will take the truth. She believes even if he wants to look for him she will not refuse because he is his dad after all.
“At times I feel like it will affect him in a negative way. It’s his decision if he wants to hear about him or even look for him. When he was younger he never received that fatherly love and now sees things in a different light. But now he looks for it, the truth.”
The interviewee had faced a similar experience where he faced the truth; “I was really mad when I first found out what he did but at the end of the day he is my dad. I can’t stay mad at him forever. I was thinking why would you leave us like that he didn’t say a word, he just left. I felt broken.”
According to fathers.com, “More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father.”
The physical presence of a father affected my family drastically and impacted my brother in a negative way making him feel unwanted. Although we try explaining the situation to him he’s still to young to understand. Who knows how he will reacted to the truth later on or how he will take it. Only the future knows.
It was just another one of those days, mother and daughter hand in hand heading to the park. Who knew our visit to the park would be longer than expected.
It was a sunny day, perfect for a day at the park with my mom, as joyful as any kid would be I was excited to play in the playground. My favorite part of the playground had always been the swing so it was no surprise when I dragged my mom to the swing set on the other side of the playground.
Having the feeling you could fly and just feeling that air hit your face always filled me up with joy. My joyish thoughts were soon interrupted by laughter coming from the swing set next to me revealing a girl the same age as me being pushed up into the air. Hearing this made me happy knowing I wasn’t the only one that enjoyed the feeling, soon after she approached me and asked if I wanted to play, to which I agreed.
Hours flew by and it was growing dark, I knew my time at the park almost came to an end but I didn’t want it to end. My mom and the girl’s father approached us, my mom told me it was time to go home but I refused, overhearing this the girl’s dad suggested we should go to Mcdonald’s so our goodbyes could be stalled for a bit.
My mom, annoyed, refused the invitation but I on the other hand agreed. My mom explained to me it was growing dark and we still hand to go back home walking but being the naive child I was, I said the “nice” man could take us back home. The man seemed happy to hear this and tried convincing my mom to agree, until finally she gave in.
Although he paid for the happy meal that day it is clear my family paid more.
Time passed by and it didn’t take long for both my mom and the man to get together. At first things were great, he seemed like a good person and had proven himself to my mom. Long after we moved in to his house and things from that point on went downhill.
Things began to change, not in a good way either, between my mother and him. He was no longer Mr. Nice Guy but rather someone we barely recognized.
“At first things were like honey, things were sweet and lovely, but it soon turned bitter and his true colors began to seep through. He was rude, male chauvinist, he would scream at me, humiliate me and at one point hits were involved as well. It is safe to say I was involved in a toxic relationship.”
My mom became pregnant with his baby, who now is my younger brother Alexander, who she later revealed the news.
But instead of receiving the news with open arms, upon hearing this he became upset and disowned his own child. He told her he would not take responsibility for the baby she was carrying. My mom later found out he had been cheating on her with someone else and before we knew it our visit to the park came to an abrupt stop.
“Never had the idea of experiencing something like this crossed my mind. I never believed I would be someone that was placed in this situation, I thought our relationship was stable and it was starting to move forward. But I was wrong, everything changed taking me by surprise.”
We found ourselves struggling finding a place to stay and financially. We started living once more with my mothers brothers and sisters, living under the same roof of a one room apartment. My mom could no longer find the strength to keep working since the pregnancy was taking a toll on her.
Women who are left by their children’s father abruptly are usually faced with the same problem. Felipe’s, an interviewee, mother faced the same issue when his father left; “Things changed a lot in a negative way...my family was struggling and my mom couldn’t afford to pay everything on her own”
We became dependent on the insufficient child support money that was given to her from my brother. My mom could not afford much with this money, at times she could not even pay the rent because she had set aside some for my own needs as well.
According to Dawn Lee, as stated in Single Mother Statistics from singlemotherguide.com, “Only one third of single mothers receive any child support, and the average mother received was only about $430 a month.”
My mother described these times to be rather difficult to overcome.
“I felt like I was stuck inside a hole and I could not get out of it. I felt frustrated and helpless. I no longer had a job meaning, I no longer had money for anything. It was a really hard time, I didn’t feel like I could provide for you guys. This feeling just felt like I was being held captive with both my hands and feet tied behind my back, preventing me from doing anything.”
According to, Dawn Lee, as stated in Single Mother Statistics from singlemotherguide.com, “However, only half were employed full-time all year long, almost a third (27.5%) were jobless the entire year. Among those who were laid off or looking for work, less than a quarter (22.4%) received unemployment benefits.”
Once my brother, Alexander, was born things just got worse because my mom needed to provide for not only me but for my brother as well. This was hard for her since she wasn’t working at the time until two years later.
National Kids Count Data, a statistics page shows the percentage of child population by household including mother only households, states in the year 2017 the population of mother only households was around 2,007,000 and with a percentage of 22% in California.
Now my brother is seven years old living and growing up without a father figure by his side and wonders where his father is. Im am sixteen years old and also don’t have my biological father by my side but I am old enough to understand why that is but I can’t say the same for my brother.
Growing up my brother would always ask for his father and whoever appeared before him showing him any drop affection was automatically his “daddy.” But these people never stayed around nor did they like being called his dad which really upset my brother.
My brother is a shy and a self kept person that is always too scared to speak up for himself which explains why he is always getting walked over. Now a days if you ask him about his father he claims that he is “dead” or in Mexico because he does not know the true reasoning for his absence.
In our current household we live with my mom and her former boyfriend yet my brother does not consider him a father. He seeks his approval at times and longs for the attention and affection he gives to my sister, his daughter but never seems to receive it.
This causing him to get upset saying no one loves him and that he will never have a dad. Even at times at night my brother asks me why we both don’t have our father by our side like my sister but I try explaining things to him but I know he would understand till later on.
According to Edward Kruk, as stated in “Father Absence, Father Deficit, Father Hunger” from Psychologytoday.com, “Children’s diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and emotional security (children consistently report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing)”
My mom worries about him and how this will affect him later in his future nor does she know how he will take the truth. She believes even if he wants to look for him she will not refuse because he is his dad after all.
“At times I feel like it will affect him in a negative way. It’s his decision if he wants to hear about him or even look for him. When he was younger he never received that fatherly love and now sees things in a different light. But now he looks for it, the truth.”
The interviewee had faced a similar experience where he faced the truth; “I was really mad when I first found out what he did but at the end of the day he is my dad. I can’t stay mad at him forever. I was thinking why would you leave us like that he didn’t say a word, he just left. I felt broken.”
According to fathers.com, “More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father.”
The physical presence of a father affected my family drastically and impacted my brother in a negative way making him feel unwanted. Although we try explaining the situation to him he’s still to young to understand. Who knows how he will reacted to the truth later on or how he will take it. Only the future knows.