By Destiny Candejas
What is isolation? There are two meanings to that word. It can be physical or mental isolation, but it always results in one thing: loneliness, especially if it’s with family because family members are always surrounding you.
When I was younger, I was never left out until my hunchback started to form. I was judged and left out because of my appearance. I got a hunchback due to the occurrence of something serious happening to my family. They only cared about the way I looked and didn’t care about what was going on with me and how I was feeling.
Jesus Penaloza, my one and only brother, is a big inspiration to me. I did everything he did, but I guess I just did it worse.
When my brother pushed our family away, they didn’t care that he wanted nothing to do with them, they still loved him. However when I pushed them away, I was seen as a disrespectful brat who doesn't love her family. I’m hurt because I went to every party they ever had, I was there for them when they went through a crisis, and I took care of their children when no one was willing to. My brother did none of that, he just went to the military and everyone adores him.
I did everything for them, even when they judged my appearance and left me out of everything. For example, I wouldn’t be invited to gatherings like parties and movies. As a result, I felt like I wasn’t seen as part of the family.
At first, I was forced to attend the family gatherings but now, they don’t want me there. They only want my brother. But if it wasn’t for me, half of their children would be killed or missing by now.
Having a hunchback is actually harder than it looks because of being criticized on a daily basis from people you don’t even know. When I got my hunchback, I kind of fell into a black hole of depression and anxiety because I felt like if I talk to someone new they would ask me “Why don’t you stand up straight?” or “Why do you have a hunchback?” and I don’t know how to answer those questions except for “I can’t stand up straight” and “family problems.”
My mom never understood why I was always afraid to go out in public until I told her how I viewed things.
“One thing that I’ve realized that Destiny does when she goes out in public is that she always looks down and tries not to make eye contact with other people. At first, I found it odd, but now that I know her reason, I don’t think she should be afraid to look at other people. They’re just people,” said my mom.
Dealing with depression and anxiety is a constant battle I struggle with. I used to go out a lot with family and not care about what other people said about me, but the older I got, the more I realized that they were talking about me, which led me to stop going out as much and now struggle to come to school. Getting anxiety attacks on a daily basis is tiring. I had to stop going to all the classes that triggered my anxiety attacks, which forced me to only go to one class, which is journalism. This class is probably the only class that I feel safe and confident enough to share this.
If you relate to my story in any way, I recommend seeing a therapist right away before it turns into a big mess, so they can help you control it. In the end, I know that my family will always love me even if they can be disrespectful and careless towards my feelings sometimes.
When I was younger, I was never left out until my hunchback started to form. I was judged and left out because of my appearance. I got a hunchback due to the occurrence of something serious happening to my family. They only cared about the way I looked and didn’t care about what was going on with me and how I was feeling.
Jesus Penaloza, my one and only brother, is a big inspiration to me. I did everything he did, but I guess I just did it worse.
When my brother pushed our family away, they didn’t care that he wanted nothing to do with them, they still loved him. However when I pushed them away, I was seen as a disrespectful brat who doesn't love her family. I’m hurt because I went to every party they ever had, I was there for them when they went through a crisis, and I took care of their children when no one was willing to. My brother did none of that, he just went to the military and everyone adores him.
I did everything for them, even when they judged my appearance and left me out of everything. For example, I wouldn’t be invited to gatherings like parties and movies. As a result, I felt like I wasn’t seen as part of the family.
At first, I was forced to attend the family gatherings but now, they don’t want me there. They only want my brother. But if it wasn’t for me, half of their children would be killed or missing by now.
Having a hunchback is actually harder than it looks because of being criticized on a daily basis from people you don’t even know. When I got my hunchback, I kind of fell into a black hole of depression and anxiety because I felt like if I talk to someone new they would ask me “Why don’t you stand up straight?” or “Why do you have a hunchback?” and I don’t know how to answer those questions except for “I can’t stand up straight” and “family problems.”
My mom never understood why I was always afraid to go out in public until I told her how I viewed things.
“One thing that I’ve realized that Destiny does when she goes out in public is that she always looks down and tries not to make eye contact with other people. At first, I found it odd, but now that I know her reason, I don’t think she should be afraid to look at other people. They’re just people,” said my mom.
Dealing with depression and anxiety is a constant battle I struggle with. I used to go out a lot with family and not care about what other people said about me, but the older I got, the more I realized that they were talking about me, which led me to stop going out as much and now struggle to come to school. Getting anxiety attacks on a daily basis is tiring. I had to stop going to all the classes that triggered my anxiety attacks, which forced me to only go to one class, which is journalism. This class is probably the only class that I feel safe and confident enough to share this.
If you relate to my story in any way, I recommend seeing a therapist right away before it turns into a big mess, so they can help you control it. In the end, I know that my family will always love me even if they can be disrespectful and careless towards my feelings sometimes.