By Jherble Naval
12 years old, seeing the world with rose colored glasses with a happy and true smile, then all this innocence was taken away from the betrayal of a first heartbreak.
Back then it was like, Clouds were roaming the sky with the blend of sun as the thought comes, “What’s in store for us today?” My heart thumps as if it’ll burst out of my chest with full of excitement to see her at the park before school starts. As I walk my way towards there, she stands under a huge tree with a ground full of fallen leaves, as she slowly turns to meet my eyes. Taking a deep breath of the cold morning air, as I exhale to see the smoke come out of my breath like a dragon before I walk towards her.
Her timid and innocent words said, “I missed you.” Though my nose was red from the cold, my cheeks started blushing as I put a bright smile on my face from hearing those sweet words from her as I confidently say, “I missed you too.” 57 degree weather at 7:30 AM didn’t really matter when she was in my arms. All I felt was her warmth, the strong smell of perfume lingering within my nose, and her heart beating with mine. Is this love, and if it is, then I was smitten with every moment of her.
Another few months passed by, we haven’t been perfect with one another, but somehow we were able to keep composure with each other. It was 1:21 AM on a Saturday night, and I get a text from her saying, “We have to talk.” My heart couldn’t stop beating from fear of what was to come, since nobody expects stuff to happen late at night. I respond with “Hey, What’s up?” yet my eyes couldn’t stay fully wide open, and I was very close to passing out again.
She responds with, “I feel like this isn’t working out, we aren’t compatible as we seemed the first time.” At that moment, my eyes opened fully, my heart dropped, and I couldn’t think of what to say. I can feel myself choking on my words and my thoughts and doubts started to drown me. Even though we were doing all of this through a screen, it felt like she was right in front of me. I didn’t know what to say; I just accepted it. I knew there was nothing I could say or do to change her mind.
I responded with, “If you feel like that's what you feel is right, then I can't go against with what you want.” I wanted to fight back, but I became most vulnerable and weak minded in the process of it all. I lost the will to even want it anymore throughout our time and arguments with one another.
I never thought that my first breakup would be so painful. I always believed that love was such an innocent and amazing feeling; a feeling that will raise me up rather than bring me down, a feeling that there is alot to live for.
After a few weeks, I also learned that she started dating one of my friends, not to mention that in the process of us dating, she also had feelings for him too. I felt like I wasn’t good enough after that. I felt like the fool trying his best to please the queen, and I ended up taking my fall. Everybody around me laughed and said to me, “You’re such a fool.”
At the time, I lost the will to be happy. I felt like an outcast of the whole school and society, and I question as to why I should live for this pain that bottles within me. I know that we had our ups and downs in the relationship, but ultimately, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anybody.
One of my close friends has also faced breakup due to not staying loyal for one another. She states, “Even though I was giving my all for him, the relationship was so one sided in the end, and I was so caught up with my first love, that I never paid attention to every aspect of it.” She also stated that , “There was a lot of pain that was involved in the end, I felt like I didn’t do enough or be good enough for him, I wasn’t able to get over him for a couple of years, until I found someone that brought the same true feeling once again, stronger and worth smiling for.”
“In the end of breakups, you will always find people that'll give you reasons to look forward in life and give you such amazing sensations,” she says.
Although we did not follow the same roads we had to face to take care of the pain, but I still felt for her, I really connected to how she felt at the time. I felt like I wasn’t the only one feeling these certain ways alone, it was as if she knew my past before I even shared any information about it to her.
I wanted it to work, there was many amazing and great memories we had in the time span of our relationship. However, I realized that I wasn’t able to meet all of her expectations and keep her happy all the time.
According to Psychology Today, one of many ways that relationships do not work out is because of growing apart, boredom, or staleness. What this basically means is that person doesn’t give you the same feeling you had before, and that you grow tired of that person. The site states that, “If you have been in a relationship for two years or less, and you and your partner have “grown apart”, it could be due to a lack of commitment, different expectations, lack of compatibility, or the natural process of trial and error in mate-finding.”
It takes time to find the compatible one, a partner that makes you feel like you won’t ever need anybody else but him or her. To do this, you must take time into this and play it safe to finally find the one that you wish to spend, give your time and effort, and show your true colors to.
And according to The Art of Charm, another way that also makes a relationship hard for it to work out is “Trying to change one another.” It states, “No one likes it when someone else tries to change them. It places stress on both of you and thus, the whole relationship. Not only does it cause stress, it can also cause resentment, and resentment is toxic. So if one or both of you is always trying to change the other one, what do you do?” One of the big main points of a relationship is being able to accept one another for who they are, it’s hard to love someone for who they’re not, it’s good to always show you love each other in your own unique way, don’t change for others, let them accept them for who you truly are.
After years of being haunted in my past, I found a new reason to wake up happy early in the morning on a chilly school day, to be excited on a whole new level for a new day full of mysteries of what was to come, that the day’s no longer felt like it was repeating over and over again, to where I didn’t have to fake my smiles no longer for others, to no longer live in fear & the feeling of unacceptance, and to always remember that I’m no longer fighting this battle on my own. For she’s the one that has really helped me out of my comfort zone when no one else was willing to and helped me believe that love is always beautiful; and it’s all thanks to my partner.
Back then it was like, Clouds were roaming the sky with the blend of sun as the thought comes, “What’s in store for us today?” My heart thumps as if it’ll burst out of my chest with full of excitement to see her at the park before school starts. As I walk my way towards there, she stands under a huge tree with a ground full of fallen leaves, as she slowly turns to meet my eyes. Taking a deep breath of the cold morning air, as I exhale to see the smoke come out of my breath like a dragon before I walk towards her.
Her timid and innocent words said, “I missed you.” Though my nose was red from the cold, my cheeks started blushing as I put a bright smile on my face from hearing those sweet words from her as I confidently say, “I missed you too.” 57 degree weather at 7:30 AM didn’t really matter when she was in my arms. All I felt was her warmth, the strong smell of perfume lingering within my nose, and her heart beating with mine. Is this love, and if it is, then I was smitten with every moment of her.
Another few months passed by, we haven’t been perfect with one another, but somehow we were able to keep composure with each other. It was 1:21 AM on a Saturday night, and I get a text from her saying, “We have to talk.” My heart couldn’t stop beating from fear of what was to come, since nobody expects stuff to happen late at night. I respond with “Hey, What’s up?” yet my eyes couldn’t stay fully wide open, and I was very close to passing out again.
She responds with, “I feel like this isn’t working out, we aren’t compatible as we seemed the first time.” At that moment, my eyes opened fully, my heart dropped, and I couldn’t think of what to say. I can feel myself choking on my words and my thoughts and doubts started to drown me. Even though we were doing all of this through a screen, it felt like she was right in front of me. I didn’t know what to say; I just accepted it. I knew there was nothing I could say or do to change her mind.
I responded with, “If you feel like that's what you feel is right, then I can't go against with what you want.” I wanted to fight back, but I became most vulnerable and weak minded in the process of it all. I lost the will to even want it anymore throughout our time and arguments with one another.
I never thought that my first breakup would be so painful. I always believed that love was such an innocent and amazing feeling; a feeling that will raise me up rather than bring me down, a feeling that there is alot to live for.
After a few weeks, I also learned that she started dating one of my friends, not to mention that in the process of us dating, she also had feelings for him too. I felt like I wasn’t good enough after that. I felt like the fool trying his best to please the queen, and I ended up taking my fall. Everybody around me laughed and said to me, “You’re such a fool.”
At the time, I lost the will to be happy. I felt like an outcast of the whole school and society, and I question as to why I should live for this pain that bottles within me. I know that we had our ups and downs in the relationship, but ultimately, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anybody.
One of my close friends has also faced breakup due to not staying loyal for one another. She states, “Even though I was giving my all for him, the relationship was so one sided in the end, and I was so caught up with my first love, that I never paid attention to every aspect of it.” She also stated that , “There was a lot of pain that was involved in the end, I felt like I didn’t do enough or be good enough for him, I wasn’t able to get over him for a couple of years, until I found someone that brought the same true feeling once again, stronger and worth smiling for.”
“In the end of breakups, you will always find people that'll give you reasons to look forward in life and give you such amazing sensations,” she says.
Although we did not follow the same roads we had to face to take care of the pain, but I still felt for her, I really connected to how she felt at the time. I felt like I wasn’t the only one feeling these certain ways alone, it was as if she knew my past before I even shared any information about it to her.
I wanted it to work, there was many amazing and great memories we had in the time span of our relationship. However, I realized that I wasn’t able to meet all of her expectations and keep her happy all the time.
According to Psychology Today, one of many ways that relationships do not work out is because of growing apart, boredom, or staleness. What this basically means is that person doesn’t give you the same feeling you had before, and that you grow tired of that person. The site states that, “If you have been in a relationship for two years or less, and you and your partner have “grown apart”, it could be due to a lack of commitment, different expectations, lack of compatibility, or the natural process of trial and error in mate-finding.”
It takes time to find the compatible one, a partner that makes you feel like you won’t ever need anybody else but him or her. To do this, you must take time into this and play it safe to finally find the one that you wish to spend, give your time and effort, and show your true colors to.
And according to The Art of Charm, another way that also makes a relationship hard for it to work out is “Trying to change one another.” It states, “No one likes it when someone else tries to change them. It places stress on both of you and thus, the whole relationship. Not only does it cause stress, it can also cause resentment, and resentment is toxic. So if one or both of you is always trying to change the other one, what do you do?” One of the big main points of a relationship is being able to accept one another for who they are, it’s hard to love someone for who they’re not, it’s good to always show you love each other in your own unique way, don’t change for others, let them accept them for who you truly are.
After years of being haunted in my past, I found a new reason to wake up happy early in the morning on a chilly school day, to be excited on a whole new level for a new day full of mysteries of what was to come, that the day’s no longer felt like it was repeating over and over again, to where I didn’t have to fake my smiles no longer for others, to no longer live in fear & the feeling of unacceptance, and to always remember that I’m no longer fighting this battle on my own. For she’s the one that has really helped me out of my comfort zone when no one else was willing to and helped me believe that love is always beautiful; and it’s all thanks to my partner.