By Jared Garcia
Think of someone you loved (of course, either platonically or romantically). Can you remember their face? The quirks and mannerisms you cherished? Whatever relationship you had, they always tend to end, either to the physical or emotional distance in place. Although distance is a difficult force to go against, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over.
There’s no denying that relationships are an essential part of our life. It is in our human nature to want company and surround ourselves with people we care about. In my life, I had met one of my best friends, Kimberly Hernandez, in the early beginnings of sophomore year. Like any new friendship, it had a fragile beginning: trying to find what makes a person laugh, if they like the things you like, whether to talk a lot or not at all. Soon enough, it blossomed into a sweet camaraderie. At the height of our connection, our group of friends had found out that Kim had to move to Stockton. So in September of 2017, we had all made promises that we would keep in touch and never stop talking. None of those were empty promises.
As of today, in this very second, Kim and I are still maintaining contact and probably texting each other very emo things. Although in the beginning, it was odd to stare at a screen instead of a person’s face, we’ve never been closer. We both had to find a way to connect that would benefit both of us, sometimes we call but most of the time we communicate by texting. Finding a comfortable and flexible method is essential in maintaining a long-distance relationship.
According to Irene S. Levine Ph.D, psychologist and professor of psychiatry, “When it comes to friendships, changes in life circumstances often require us to renegotiate terms.” Having denial over the things that changed will not help; it will only make things worse. It is important to come to face with the reality of things and compromise. It is the first step of many but it is essentially the foundation of a long distance relationship.
Think of someone you loved (of course, either platonically or romantically). Can you remember their face? The quirks and mannerisms you cherished? Whatever relationship you had, they always tend to end, either to the physical or emotional distance in place. Although distance is a difficult force to go against, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over.
There’s no denying that relationships are an essential part of our life. It is in our human nature to want company and surround ourselves with people we care about. In my life, I had met one of my best friends, Kimberly Hernandez, in the early beginnings of sophomore year. Like any new friendship, it had a fragile beginning: trying to find what makes a person laugh, if they like the things you like, whether to talk a lot or not at all. Soon enough, it blossomed into a sweet camaraderie. At the height of our connection, our group of friends had found out that Kim had to move to Stockton. So in September of 2017, we had all made promises that we would keep in touch and never stop talking. None of those were empty promises.
As of today, in this very second, Kim and I are still maintaining contact and probably texting each other very emo things. Although in the beginning, it was odd to stare at a screen instead of a person’s face, we’ve never been closer. We both had to find a way to connect that would benefit both of us, sometimes we call but most of the time we communicate by texting. Finding a comfortable and flexible method is essential in maintaining a long-distance relationship.
According to Irene S. Levine Ph.D, psychologist and professor of psychiatry, “When it comes to friendships, changes in life circumstances often require us to renegotiate terms.” Having denial over the things that changed will not help; it will only make things worse. It is important to come to face with the reality of things and compromise. It is the first step of many but it is essentially the foundation of a long distance relationship.
Once a routine is established there is often a danger of facing a draining monotony. It can cause a strain when the dynamic is not the same as it used to be but instead of seeing this as an obstacle, it can be seen as a challenge.
Andrea Bonior Ph.D, professor of psychology and licensed clinical psychologist states, “You can allow physical distance to spark a rich and exciting phase in your relationships by finding creative ways to share memorable moments and by improvising new styles of connection.”
Facing uncharted territory can be utilized to explore different ways of connecting with a loved one. With Kim, this distance allowed us to find shared humor and bond over new stories and poetry that we liked. It was a completely different form of bonding that we had not ventured into before. At the basis, it was still our friendship but now it had new twists to it, we created new memories and inside jokes, it was refreshing but inherently us.
Although shared interests are a part of relationships, the true kindredness is in empathizing and being emotionally available to one another. Dealing with responsibilities and personal problems can often cause us to forget to check in on our friends, and this is only emphasized with distance. Having the willingness to openly listen (sometimes talking is not what the person needs) and be vulnerable can allow the relationship to be a safe space and provide security.
University of Winnipeg sociologist Beverley Fehr, author of Friendship Processes says “Those who know what to say in response to another person’s self-disclosure are more likely to develop satisfying friendships.” Being supportive, whether it means giving advice or being a lending ear, can further the bond made in relationships.
Dealing with long-distance relationships is difficult but not impossible. It is just making sure to take extra precaution to put in the time and care.
When asked for advice, Kim replied, “[...] have patience when you are communicating with your friend because it takes effort to communicate and connect with people because it is a lot harder than it is to do so with people you see everyday. And don’t take for granted these people because of how much they care to continue being your friend despite how far apart you are.”
Being mindful, considerate and flexible are some of the many attributes needed to make any relationship withstand. Be there for the people you love and if you need a reminder, here it is: please check in with your loved ones and make sure they are okay.
Andrea Bonior Ph.D, professor of psychology and licensed clinical psychologist states, “You can allow physical distance to spark a rich and exciting phase in your relationships by finding creative ways to share memorable moments and by improvising new styles of connection.”
Facing uncharted territory can be utilized to explore different ways of connecting with a loved one. With Kim, this distance allowed us to find shared humor and bond over new stories and poetry that we liked. It was a completely different form of bonding that we had not ventured into before. At the basis, it was still our friendship but now it had new twists to it, we created new memories and inside jokes, it was refreshing but inherently us.
Although shared interests are a part of relationships, the true kindredness is in empathizing and being emotionally available to one another. Dealing with responsibilities and personal problems can often cause us to forget to check in on our friends, and this is only emphasized with distance. Having the willingness to openly listen (sometimes talking is not what the person needs) and be vulnerable can allow the relationship to be a safe space and provide security.
University of Winnipeg sociologist Beverley Fehr, author of Friendship Processes says “Those who know what to say in response to another person’s self-disclosure are more likely to develop satisfying friendships.” Being supportive, whether it means giving advice or being a lending ear, can further the bond made in relationships.
Dealing with long-distance relationships is difficult but not impossible. It is just making sure to take extra precaution to put in the time and care.
When asked for advice, Kim replied, “[...] have patience when you are communicating with your friend because it takes effort to communicate and connect with people because it is a lot harder than it is to do so with people you see everyday. And don’t take for granted these people because of how much they care to continue being your friend despite how far apart you are.”
Being mindful, considerate and flexible are some of the many attributes needed to make any relationship withstand. Be there for the people you love and if you need a reminder, here it is: please check in with your loved ones and make sure they are okay.